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Alternatives to church funerals in Italy: non-religious funeral ceremonies, the role of the celebrant, what to do when a loved one dies
Individuals and families increasingly seek personalised celebrant-led ceremonies that capture and convey the essence of their loved one’s unique life and are in tune with their beliefs and values for funerals, memorial services, graveside burials or ash scatterings.
Why do we hold funerals?
The desire to honour a loved one when they die with a ritual is a cultural universal. This means it is common to all societies and all cultures throughout time. Other cultural universals include the celebration of birth and the regulation of marriage, together with music, language, personal names and humour.
The anthropologist George Murdock found that cultural universals revolve around shared human experiences, such as birth and death or illness and healing. (Murdock, G. P. (1949). Social structure. Macmillan.)
Holding a funeral ceremony is a way to share the common human experience of death with the people you love. After a death, publicly expressing our sense of grief and loss by sharing it with others is generally regarded as a first necessary step towards getting back to normal, and a funeral can mark that turning-point. This is why various religions—each according to their own rituals—have always provided a rite to facilitate the collective expression of grief. The vast majority of funeral rites are in fact ‘religious’.
Cultural context for non-religious
funeral ceremonies

This centuries-old monopoly of religion over funerals creates a problem for people who are not religious, since there is inevitably an intensely human need for a funeral ceremony after a death. A perceived lack of non-religious alternatives or laissez-faire conformism, means that we often hold an inappropriate religious service for someone who clearly had no religious beliefs whatsoever. This can actually make attendees feel even worse about the death as the funeral brings no comfort at all. It is of course possible for the family to arrange a cremation or burial completely in private without any ceremony or ritual, but this is unlikely to provide the kind of shared experience and support that a funeral can provide.
For over than a century, a number of secular and international humanist organisations have contributed to the cause of secular funeral ceremonies, sometimes by professionally training celebrants to conduct them and sometimes simply by providing advice and assistance to families and friends who wish to plan and conduct a non-religious funeral ceremony themselves.
In Italy, traditional church ceremonies are still the social norm but personalised funerals are increasingly being sought out as a valid alternative. More and more people in fact are looking for a ceremony tailored to their needs that celebrates the uniqueness of their loved one’s life and achievements without the limitations of a religious service.
One of the reasons for this is that a non-religious funeral ceremony celebrates the unique value of a life rather than focusing on a death.
“Our funeral ceremonies are both a celebration of a life and a dignified, distinctive farewell. They honour the person who has died, focusing on the life they led, the relationships they forged, and the legacy they left. They’re the perfect option for families who want a sincere, personal reflection on the life of their loved one. This can be especially important if the person who died wasn’t particularly religious.”
Celebrant-led funerals make a difference
In the past, Italians who opted not to have a church funeral were left with little option other than to gather at home, outside the house or in a hall. There was often no organised ceremony. Sometimes, a family member or friend would spontaneously take the role of leading the proceedings, or one or two mourners would get up and say something. Sometimes, nothing at all was said, while in other cases, especially when the person who died was well-known, the number of people wanting to speak made the ceremony interminable.
An increasing number of trained professional celebrants (UNI/PdR 119:2021 EU-wide guaranteed guidelines for professional celebrants) in Italy in recent years has begun to make a big difference.
A family member or a friend is inevitably involved in the death and is emotionally invested in what is said at the funeral, whereas a celebrant is outside the family circle and can represent different points of view objectively.
A celebrant can advise the family on all the choices that are available to them and suggest which ones are more appropriate. They can guide the family in their selection of readings, music and images or video contributions. More importantly, they can coordinate the various people who want to speak and include their written interventions in their ceremony script.
This professional approach means that the celebrant-led funeral ceremony is perfectly calibrated, the emotional impact is modulated, and the overall outcome reflects the deceased’s beliefs and values as well as honestly representing the sentiments of the family.
How to find a celebrant
To find a celebrant for a funeral, follow this link.


Celebrant-led services for every kind of funeral
Celebrant-led ceremonies are tailor made for the occasion and can be adapted to any funeral situation. They are suitable for:
- Cremations
- Burials
- Celebrations of life
- Ash scatterings
- Ash internments
- Memorial services
A non-religious funeral in Italy
can be held anywhere
In Italy, a non-religious funeral can be held anywhere but in a Catholic church. It can take place in a sala del commiato (perhaps best translated as hall of remembrance) which may belong to the local municipality, to a funeral home or perhaps a crematorium. Secular funeral ceremonies can also be held in a hotel or other venue, in a park or private garden, or at the graveside in the cemetery. Some people have their ceremony at home.
The Protestant Waldensian Church is often willing to lend its unadorned premises for non-religious funerals. Your Funeral Director will take care of the necessary permissions.
There is no required Order of Service
for a non-religious funeral
A humanist, civil or non-religious funeral is inevitably very different from a funeral in church and essentially the family can do what they like and include any element they want. There are no hard and fast rules and you are not required to conform to any model. In Jane Wynne Willson’s book Funerals Without God (you can find the Italian version by Richard Brown here) you will find a practical guide to arranging a personalised funeral for your loved one, with proposals, recommendations, appropriate words for the various moments of the ceremony and suggestions for readings.
The basic outline of a ceremony, whether you call a celebrant to help you craft it with you or whether you decide to officiate the funeral yourselves, is as follows:
- Introduction and Welcoming Words
- Reflections on life and death
- Eulogy or Tribute to the deceased’s life
- Contributions from relatives and friends
- Committal
- Conclusion and Parting Words
People with a religious faith appreciate personalised funerals
In spite of the significant differences between a personalised and a traditional funeral, people with a religious faith often appreciate personalised ceremonies precisely because they focus on the deceased’s life, personality and relationships, put their life at centre stage, and describe how that person has touched other people’s lives.
People attending these services often comment on the uplifting effect of being able to connect with and commemorate the deceased through the lens of a life well lived, comparing it favourably to the dampening effect of a traditional funeral.
“Although standard funeral services are often associated with sadness, a celebrant-led funeral can transform such sorrow into something that establishes a more sincere emotional connection. Celebrant-led funerals celebrate the true meaning of life by transforming an otherwise traditional ceremony into something that resonates more deeply with the attendees and everyone involved. The result is an event that captures what it means to be human—to love, to help, and to give meaning to people’s lives.”
How to find a celebrant
To find a celebrant for a funeral, follow this link.

Working with a funeral celebrant
shines a light on your loved one’s life
Working closely with a celebrant to prepare a bespoke ceremony helps the family start to come to grips with the loss of a loved one. During the family visit, when your celebrant will come to your home (or wherever else you want to meet), you will share happy memories and stories that might otherwise be forgotten. For the family, this exchange enriches the process of dealing with the death, while for the celebrant, it will contribute to the process of gathering information to write a touching and befitting funeral ceremony, including a personalised tribute to the deceased’s life. It will also help both the family and the celebrant to come up with the most appropriate and significant choices for music, readings and visual tributes such as videos or slide-shows.

“Meeting our celebrant was a wonderful relief. We were in slightly unknown territory trying to organise a funeral service without a religious format. She was warm, helpful, listened to us attentively, and ultimately hosted a service that we all felt truly did my late father justice. We spent a few hours together when she came to our family home, and we instantly felt like we were in good hands. I honestly can’t imagine what we would have done without her. Friends who were present on the day thought she was a family member or an old friend, as she managed to really capture the essence of my father, and of our family. One of my father’s work colleagues, Peter, said that it was ‘the most touching funeral service I’ve been to- and trust me, I’ve been to a lot’.I hope others who might find themselves in a similar position are able to get in touch with a celebrant to guide them through the process.” Lisa, Rome
How to find a celebrant
To find a celebrant for a funeral, follow this link.
You can hold a non-religious funeral
whenever you want
Again, there are no hard and fast rules for when a secular ceremony is held but — especially in Italy — there are some deep-rooted customs and traditions that are hard to break. In particular, it is customary in Italy to hold a funeral in the presence of the coffin almost immediately after the death (within two or three days), whereas you may want a little more time to arrange the ceremony or to wait for family members to arrive from abroad. An Italian funeral director may try and put pressure on you to hold the funeral immediately saying that this is the way things are done in this country but there is no legal obligation to do so. Explain your reasons and do not allow them to sway you into making a decision against your better instincts. A funeral agency with international experience may be in a better position to help you.
If you decide to hold a memorial service after the cremation or burial has taken place, there will be a longer time-lapse, depending on the region. Some areas of Italy perform the cremation within five days, while others take up to three weeks to return the urn with the ashes in it to the family. A celebrant can help you craft a touching personalised memorial service, including contributions from family and friends and a eulogy or tribute for your loved one at whatever time you decide is best. Some families hold the service as soon as they receive the ashes (especially if they did not hold a funeral straight after the death) but others decide to hold the memorial service on a significant date such as an anniversary of the death or on a birthday.
How to find a celebrant
To find a celebrant for a funeral, follow this link

Cremation in Italy
In Italy, it is a good idea to note the fact that you would like to be cremated in your will or register with a cremation society (Federazione Italiana per la Cremazione – Soc. Crem) near you. This is because, by law, a city council registrar is required to state that the deceased wanted to be cremated. In practice, however, if the majority of your family can testify to that effect, the application will be accepted.
Natural burials in Italy
It is important to note that natural burials are not permitted in Italy. Bodies can be cremated, or buried, either in the ground or in a tomb.
Donating your body to scientific research
An Italian law passed on January 29, 2020 allows donations post mortem for scientific research but only if you have put it in writing in a “living will” signed by a notaio or solicitor with expertise in Italian law and if you have appointed an executor. The law stipulates that the body will be returned within 12 months to the family in a dignified condition, and that “the charges for the transportation of the body from the time of death until its return, the expenses related to burial, as well as the expenses for cremation, if any, shall be borne by the scientific bodies.”(For more information see Fondazione Veronesi).
Ash scattering
The majority of Italian families choose to inter the urn with their loved one’s ashes inside in a cemetery, usually in a burial niche or wall in a local cemetery. However, if you prefer the idea of returning the remains to nature, scattering ashes outdoors has been legal in Italy for many years.
Unfortunately, there is still a great deal of misinformation about the practice (which some say may be due to the loss of income for city councils leasing burial niches or selling granite or marble markers). There is a certain amount of paperwork to be completed, but your funeral director will help you complete the required procedures. It is essential to declare to the registrar that you intend to scatter the ashes outdoors (dispersione in natura).
Italian law states that you can scatter the ashes of a loved one in the sea 500m from the shore, in a lake 100m from the shore or in a river as long as there are no boats around. As far as public ground, woods or mountains are concerned, you can scatter the ashes anywhere as long as the spot you choose is more than 200 metres from any built-up areas.
You can also bury or scatter your loved one’s ashes in your own garden. Some crematoria offer what is called in Italian a giardino del ricordo, or “memory garden” where you can scatter the ashes. Similarly, a few city councils, especially in the north of Italy, are beginning to create memorial woods for the same purpose. A celebrant can help you create a short, befitting scattering ceremony that includes all the attendees.
How to find a celebrant
To find a celebrant for a funeral, follow this link.
I’m in Italy and someone close to me has died. What do I do?
- Don’t panic. Whatever people say to the contrary, you can take your time. There is no obligation to make decisions right away.
- If the death has taken place at home, there is no need to call an ambulance or the police. Call your family doctor or a doctor you know. They will declare the death and follow up with the required procedures. If the death has taken place in hospital, they will follow up in the appropriate manner.
- When you are ready, and again, there is no hurry to do this, contact one or more funeral agencies. There is a wide range of fees and services on offer; don’t feel pressured if an agency approaches you. The hospital or mortuary staff are not allowed to make recommendations. It is your right to choose the agency that you feel best suits your needs.
- Wait for a member of staff from the funeral agency you have chosen to come to the house. They will take care of the paperwork, walk you through your options for burial or cremation and ask you what kind of funeral you would like to arrange.
- If you do not want to hold a church funeral, look for a celebrant here.
- Tell your celebrant what kind of service you envisage. They will help you understand where you can hold the ceremony and walk you through the various options.
Make an appointment with your celebrant for their “family visit”. Anyone who wishes can join in and talk with the celebrant about the deceased: family, friends, acquaintances. - Plan the ceremony with your celebrant, going through the various possibilities: some favourite pieces of music, readings, or images that best represent your loved one. Discuss among yourselves who might want to say or read something at the ceremony and give your celebrant their contacts.
- After the family visit, your celebrant will go home and make a first draft of your personalised ceremony. You will receive this first draft by mail for your comments and corrections. Once you have sent this back, your celebrant will make all the appropriate changes, and continue to do so until the very last minute if by any chance you have forgotten something — which is perfectly understandable given the circumstances.
- On the day of the funeral, your celebrant will be at the venue ahead of you to make sure everything is in place and will warmly welcome you and your guests. They will then officiate the funeral ceremony with empathy, sensitivity and professionalism..