photo credit: Clarissa Botsford
Music: its impact on emotions and how to harness this in funerals.
“When I am silent, I fall into the place where everything is music.”
(Rumi)
Why is music such a powerful trigger for emotions and how can a celebrant help you harness these emotions in a funeral ceremony?
Music is what anthropologists call a “universal”, that is an attribute that throughout history every human being and all cultures, from the most primitive to the most advanced, have in common.
For millennia, in fact, humans have turned to music both to celebrate and to comfort and soothe. Special occasions are marked with music and song, and parents all over the world sing lullabies to their babies to settle them.
It makes sense, then, that music can play such a powerful role in a funeral ceremony, triggering all sorts of memories and emotions and soothing those present.
What some people may not know, however, is that there is a physiological component to this “universal” that may explain why music plays such an important role in our celebrant-led ceremonies.
“If music be the food of love, play on …”
(Shakespeare, Twelfth Night 1.1)
The science behind your reaction to music
We are hard-wired, through our brain and nervous system, to distinguish between music and noise and to respond physically to rhythm, repetition and melodies. Many studies suggest that music is not only something we respond naturally to, but it may even improve our health.
“Listening to (or making) music increases blood flow to brain regions that generate and control emotions. The limbic system, which is involved in processing emotions and controlling memory, “lights” up when our ears perceive music.” ( Frontiers in Psychology 2013; 4: 511)
There have been many experiments into the effect of music on people with some form of cognitive loss, after an accident or with dementia or Alzheimer’s, for example.
You may all have witnessed a grandparent or older person who has trouble connecting to you in their everyday life, suddenly break into song when they hear a piece of music from when they were young, and even wow you by remembering all the words! Others may instinctively sway to the beat of a familiar song even when usually their mobility is greatly reduced.
How music affects your mood and helps de-stress
Have you ever had that feeling of pleasure and well-being, a shiver of delight, or a particularly emotional reaction like bursting into tears when a favourite song comes on?
One explanation for this is that when you listen to music that you love, there is a sudden release of dopamine to the brain. Dopamine is a natural chemical that makes us feel good.
“When music takes over, the outside world disappears, time stands still, the only thing is the music and myself, here and now.” ( Gabrielsson, 2013.)
How music makes us feel
Our reactions to music are both personal and social.
Here are some of the things you yourself might say about the way music makes you feel on a personal level:
• music helps me think about myself
• music distracts my mind from the outside world
• music makes me forget about reality
• music makes me feel I can cope with my worries
• music comforts me when I’m sad)
• music adds meaning to my life
At the same time, music has a social function. It is an important way for a group to bond and express their values and identity. Finally, music is of course entertainment and diversion: a pastime. It can put you into a positive mood and make you more cheerful, or more alert, such as when we are driving.
If you want to experiment with how you relate to music, check out this fascinating interactive map developed at Berkeley University to see how music makes you feel.
Music in funerals
Compared to a religious funeral, where both content and form are dictated by tradition, personalised ceremonies are based on the wishes of the deceased, next of kin, or friendship group and focus on issues of “identity, celebration of life and personal choice.” (Adamson & Holloway, 2015)
Music is often a vehicle for conveying personal meaning, which is the most important aim for a celebrant-led funeral. For example, families tend to choose a specific piece of music because it held meaning for the deceased. Research in music psychology has shown that somebody who suddenly hears a familiar song or piece of music will often recall memories of significant life events. (Gabrielsson, 2013).
My husband wanted “Imagine” by John Lennon for the funeral, which we had as wedding music when we got married.
When we knew that my dad did not have much time left, we wrote down in a Word document the music he liked and then created a playlist that we shared with everyone after the funeral.
Music fulfils a function in the funeral ceremony that no other parts do (The Musical Eulogy and Other Functions of Funeral Music, Janieke Bruin-Mollenhorst, Volume 82, Issue 1). It gives everyone time to think, to experience emotions, to pause and reflect. The musical interludes during the ceremony allows people to “be in the moment”.
For many people, the music chosen also evokes and conveys their beliefs and values. (Gabrielsson, 2013)
Tradition versus personalization in the choice of funeral music
Researchers in Australia have investigated “the extent to which tradition is still important to individuals in making choices for funeral music as opposed to music that is personally meaningful in that it relates to personal memories, values or beliefs.” (Garrido and Davidson – 2016)
They found that people’s choices were motivated by the desire to follow tradition, to create a specific mood or atmosphere, and to express something personal.
They also found that for the participants in the study it was important to “minimize the grief of the mourners and to remember the deceased with joy”.
The studies revealed that the way people cope with their bereavement affects their musical choices. For example, “people with a religious coping style chose traditional music rather than popular music, and people coping with humour chose popular music rather than traditional.” (Ibid)
When should we play music during the ceremony and why?
1. Music at the beginning of the ceremony
Music playing while people enter the ceremony room marks the beginning of the funeral ceremony.
While the music plays, people are quiet or whisper only briefly and softly. If the music is still playing while everybody has already taken their places, people look around and can familiarize themselves with the environment of the ceremony room including the view of the coffin, flowers, and picture(s), or a beautiful view of nature outside.
The function of music at the beginning of the ceremony is thus a way to open the ceremonial space and to allow people to acclimatize to it.
2. Music during the ceremony
During a funeral ceremony, music is a powerful tool and can play many different roles. For example, it can be used to:
- extend spoken words (especially where the lyrics of the song are shared or sung together)
- as a background to looking at photographs or a digital slide show
- as an accompaniment to ceremonial actions (such as lighting candles, handing out cards, or leaving flowers on the coffin)
- to mark a moment of reflection (the equivalent of a moment of silence)
- to modulate and channel people’s emotions.
In all of these cases, the choice of the music will reflect the family’s coping style and identity.
The favorite music of the deceased can be seen as a musical contribution to what we could call the “patchwork” of their identity.
For example, there may have been a spiritual or religious dimension to this patchwork, and in a celebrant-led funeral, music can be seen as an acceptable way to represent this dimension during the ceremony.
The function of modulating emotions should not be underestimated. Following an emotional speech from a family member, or at the moment of the committal, music will give both speakers and mourners the opportunity and the time to express their emotions, perhaps to cry, and then to gain control over their emotions again.
Of course, all of these functions can be rolled into one, to create a powerful moment in the funeral ceremony.
For example, a speech followed by a slide-show with music can form a single unit. For example, a father speaks about his son, a slide show follows with pictures of the son with friends and family members through the years, and the music the family chooses to accompany the images is Maroon 4’s Memories Bring Back Memories.
Together, the words, images and music represent the boy’s “patchwork of identity” as well as family and friendship ties.
3. Music to close the ceremony
At the end of the funeral ceremony, people usually pay their respects to the deceased and to the next of kin. This moment is nearly always accompanied by music, marking the end of the ceremony. The tone of the music at the end of a ceremony is often more upbeat in order to help people make the transition from the ceremonial space back to the outside world.
When there are a lot of mourners attending the funeral, several pieces of music are played or one piece is repeated, often with a lower volume after the first time.
In this sense, music not only marks the end of the funeral but also functions as background music.
Listening to music as a way of paying tribute
Music adds to the symbolic dimension of the funeral by evoking memories of the deceased, representing their “patchwork” identity, and binding all those present into a community.
“Shared listening […]creates a sense of belonging, and connects a person’s sense of self to a larger community and generation.” (van Dijck, 2006)
In everyday life, we rarely listen to music someone else has chosen. In personalized funerals, however, we are required to do just that. Whether it is a famous part of Verdi’s opera, Nabucco, (“because Enrico loved it”) or Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven “Antonia’s favourite song ever”) everybody listens, whatever their personal preferences are.
The music is, in its own way, a tribute to the deceased. For once, everyone present at the ceremony sets aside their own musical preferences and listens to the favorite song that represents the deceased.
Is live music better than recorded music at a funeral?
A research team at the University of Zurich has conducted research into the comparative emotional impact of live and recorded music.
“Our study showed that pleasant and unpleasant emotions performed as live music elicited much higher and more consistent activity in the amygdala than recorded music. The live performance also stimulated a more active exchange of information in the whole brain, which points to strong emotional processing in the affective and cognitive parts of the brain.” (sciencedaily.com, Feb 26, 2024)
Finding a bagpipe player to play live at a Scottish woman’s funeral can be an extremely powerful conveyor of meaning and identity (especially as the experience is rare in Italy!).
Similarly, the stirring, physical effect of the deep vibrations of a didgeridoo being played live at an Australian woman’s memorial service in Rome recently added a great deal to the impact of the ceremony.
Similarly, for a musician’s funeral, a group of early music colleagues came and played some of their favourite pieces.
Having said this, recorded music carries a particular punch if the recorded version is the one that the next of kin or family member remembers listening to together.
Recently, again, in a beautiful venue in the Roman Castelli region, a granddaughter sang her Nonna’s favourite song, Can’t catch me now, by Olivia Rodrigo, at the memorial service, accompanied by her uncle.
For example, the family of a taxi driver in Rome chose Claudio Villa’s Arrivederci Roma. The old-fashioned quality of the recording that evoked his youth would have had a completely effect on the mourners and family if someone had sung the song live during the ceremony.
Common music or song choices for funerals
- Classical music for funerals
From the Sonata in B-flat minor, Op. 35 by Frédéric Chopin, Funeral March
From Ludwig van Beethoven’s Sonata in A-flat, op. 26, Funeral March
From Henry Purcell’s Dido and Aeneas, Dido’s Lament
Pavane for a dead princess, by Maurice Ravel
Nocturne in F minor, Op 55, No. 1, by Frédéric Chopin.
Largo, by Georg Friedrich Händel
From Edward Elgar’s Enigma Variations, Nimrod
Adagio for Strings, by Samuel Barber
Ave Maria, by Franz Schubert
From Giuseppe Verdi’s Aida, Triumphal March
From Ludwig van Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 in D minor, Op. 125, Ode to Joy
2. Popular music for funerals
Somewhere over the rainbow – Eva Cassidy
Angels – Robbie Williams
Candle in the wind – Elton John
Let it be – The Beatles
Someone like you – Adele
Supermarket flowers – Ed Sheeran
I’ll be missing you – Puff Daddy and Faith Evans
3. Sad/reflective music for funerals
Knockin’ on Heaven’s door – Bob Dylan
Come away with me – Norah Jones
A million love songs – Take That
Can you feel the love tonight – Elton John
Every breath you take – The Police
If I could turn back time – Cher
4. Uplifting music for funerals
I say a little prayer – Aretha Franklin
Good vibrations – The Beach Boys
California Dreamin’ – The Mamas and Papas
Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
Fly me to the moon – Frank Sinatra
I wanna dance with somebody – Whitney Houston
5. Funny music for funerals
Another one bites the dust – Queen
Dancing Queen – Abba
Don’t worry be happy – Bobby McFerrin
6. Common choices in Italy (Funerali senza Dio, by Richard Brown, Omilog)
Whitney Houston –I will always love you
Bette Midler – Wind beneath my wings
Barbra Streisand – Memories
John Lennon – Imagine
Louis Armstrong –Wonderful World
Elton John – Candle in the Wind
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