photo credit: GFG-Inspirational Funerals
Changing the way we think about funerals and moving away from tradition: new trends coming to Italy
There has been a steady trend over the past few years for families and funeral directors in Italy to seek and offer unconventional ways of saying goodbye.
This has led to a rise in demand for celebrant-led funerals, memorial services, and even living funerals because they allow more freedom to create ceremonies that are touching, personalised, and memorable.
They also allow you to hold them somewhere that carries some significance for you and the deceased, such as in the woods, on beaches or at sea, in the mountains, in your own garden or in your front room.
Italy is definitely changing from this point of view. Anyone living in this country will have come across the highly successful advertising campaigns led by the funeral directors, Taffo, with their unconventional language and dark humour, which has definitely challenged a long-standing taboo in this country. A lot of their success lies in puns and idiomatic turns of phrase: at around election time, for example, one of their slogans was “Italians, we will see you at the urns”, where the word “urn” doubles up for the ballot box; or a woman with a diamond ring on her finger made from cremated remains was accompanied by the slogan, “This time your husband can’t say no”. They even produce a short video sit-com called “Questa cassa non è un albergo” — This house is not a hotel —using a play on the word for ‘house’ which is close to the word for ‘coffin’.
Another change, dictated by the difficult economic climate, by a greener outlook, and also by a rise in the number of cremations is a demand for greater simplicity in funerals with fewer trappings and low-cost or ecological options. A pre-paid plan can assuage a lot of anxiety for those left behind when the time comes and more and more people want to get their affairs in order before they go.
Holding a living funeral is one way to make sure you get what you want
With a living funeral you can make sure your life is celebrated the way you want and even contribute to the proceedings. Living funerals, called seizensō (生前葬) in Japanese, started in Japan in the 1990s. Older people in Japan tend to feel they are burdening their children and by planning and paying for a living funeral they feel that they can take some of the stress away from their kids for having to organize a funeral.
A Living Funeral features in the German series broadcast on Netflix called The Last Word
<< It can’t be just any funeral. It has to be special, it can’t be that people just want to get it over with, sit there … Do you know what I mean?>>
<<Yes, I think so.>>
<<It must be a party – you understand?>>
<<Yes, I think so.>>
<<With music and with dance and with lots of flowers – with a brass band, for example, is that possible?>>
Dialogue from “The Last Word
Someone who is terminally-ill, for example, may want to organize a living funeral. It gives them the opportunity to reminisce about their life and see the people who are important to them. Facilitated by a celebrant, they may ask guests to recount stories or read something appropriate. Food and drink can be served up to make the celebration more convivial.
There may be some tears shed at a living funeral but it does give people a chance, while they still have the strength and desire to do so, and before they lose their memory in the case of dementia or Alzheimer’s, to thank others and set things straight for when they are no longer around. This can make it a very uplifting experience.
Here are some creative ideas of how to make a loved one’s funeral special
- Add some colour: it is becoming more and more common for families to forgo traditional black mourning colours and instead invite the guests to attend wearing the favourite colours of their loved one.
- Personalise the music: there are several classic songs which are often played at funerals, but you don’t have to choose the traditional hymns or songs. Why not pick a couple of your loved one’s favourite songs and incorporate them into the funeral service as a way to personalise it and make it more special?
- Serve favourite food and drink: one way in which you can personalise a funeral service is by offering the favourite food and drink of the person that has passed away. If that happens to be pizza and Aperol Spritz – why not? It’s a good way to lift the mood and help celebrate by sharing in the things that were especially enjoyed in life. You might be worried about whether humour has a place at a funeral, but it is often the wish of families that the funeral be an uplifting celebration of life, and sometimes humour can be appropriate in that respect.
- Create a memory board: Have a freestanding display board, or a table decorated with pictures of the loved one throughout their life. Include pens and cards so people can write down their special memories. This is a great way for people to relive and remember good times, and also makes a lovely keepsake for the family to read and look back on time and time again.
- Make memory stones: an unusual way to remember a loved one is asking the guests to create memorial stones. Ask them to use markers to write on stones a favourite memory, phrase, special quote or something that reminds them of the deceased. These can then be placed in gardens, or spread around in places with special meaning.
- Give a special memory gift: giving a gift to guests at the funeral can be a lovely way to honour the memory of a loved one. Ideas for this might be seeds for planting trees or flowers to remember the loved one as they grow, or perhaps a copy of their favourite book. It could simply be a little card with a printing of a well used quote or phrase. It’s a great way to give people something physical to remember their loved one by.
Plan an online streaming of the service or commission a video of the ceremony
Finally, one way to remember the funeral later on, and to include people unable to attend, is to ask for online streaming of the ceremony or even commission a video to hold on to and share with others. Grief plays funny tricks on us all and often, after a funeral, people can hardly remember who came and what was said. A professionally-made video of the ceremony will allow you, your family and your friends to listen to those words of comfort and participation again and again.
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